I really hate the fact that my parents didn’t care enough to look into depression as soon as they found out I had it (years ago). Now they’re forcing so many things on me and don’t understand how easily stressed out I can get. They think that I’m preventing myself from growing up and that I’ll never get a job or start driving and it’s not even that. I’m going to do all of that eventually, I don’t want to be dependent on them my entire life nor do I plan on it, but I’ve been so depressed and suicidal for the past few years and I’m just trying to enjoy the few months of happiness I’ve experienced.
I know that happens when I stress myself out too much, I start to get overwhelmed and start hurting myself to cope. I’m trying so hard to work out my emotions and learn how to handle negative feelings, and I don’t want to ruin the progress I’m making by adding on new worries like gas, insurance, traffic, and other things associated with driving.
And now my mom has this idea in her head that I’m doing so much better because I smoke weed and that I’m fine now. She doesn’t understand that depression haunts people for years, maybe even a lifetime. She doesn’t realize that I still get really bad mood swings and that I need to spend time focusing on getting better. Like really, who thinks that YEARS of depression can be cured in a few months? How does a person go from having suicidal thoughts a few months ago to never ever thinking about that again within a short time frame? That’s not possible, that’s like expecting someone who hasn’t been mobile in years to run a marathon when they’re barely relearning how to walk.
I’m so upset that no one really talks about depression and that it’s an issue that’s usually left alone. There’s hardly any information available to parents, and even then some people don’t think of it as a big deal and wouldn’t care if there were resources to help them help their sick loved ones.
When I die I want to be buried with my pets. I want to be reunited with my pets in an afterlife.
I’ve gotten really lazy lately so I’ve only been wearing mascara and blush when I feel like putting makeup on, I used to wear top liner but it got really frustrating u_u